Man I would just go to Greenland and tell them who I was and spend all my stipend money on businesses there and just report back "i think they're still cooking on something; I should keep staying here"
It’s almost laughable, Greenland only has a population of just under 58,000 so USA could probably send one spy per person. Naturally that might just be spotted by the indigenous folk.
"Authorities in Greenland said the American agents had tried to disguise themselves as native wildlife. Four were wearing 'Slutty Polar Bear' outfits from Party City, while the leader was dressed as a reindeer. Local people provided them with food & warm clothing & took them to Nuuk by snowmobile."
Local population of Qeqertarsuaq killed and butchered a large seal today. Currently chewing a 1 kilo hunk of seal blubber to keep warm. Locals are laughing at me because I’m turning green.
I mean there are warmer postings, but on the other hand nobody will drag you to gulag, so just find few local drunks, bribe them every few weeks for a MAGA cap photoshoot and file reports how you are making progress because that is what your bosses want to hear...
Classified Discoveries After the U.S. Spied on Greenland:
☑️ It’s not actually green — shocking intel confirms it’s mostly ice. Maps are being updated to read: “Misleadingland.”
The intelligence community core competency is converting data into actionable information for policy makers to use to make decisions. This doesn't entail covert techniques all the time. Here everything they need would be open source or can be obtained by just plain talking to people.
Intel Agencies are for NATSEC and to facilitate U.S. commerce. Don't doubt there's support to take Greenland within them. Possible any reluctance is just the cold.
This is like moving to a COUNTRY the size of a mid sized elevator town in Illinois, but it's a bunch of small hamlets and villages and spread out mostly. you are as bright a signal as a red cat in a flock of black crows.
Plus like, how hard would that be? There's only 60 thousand people there. "Oh hey new guy in town who claims to be Canadian, that's one helluva satellite phone you've got there"
Assuming you weren’t hired in the last few years and let go because you were probationary. Because anyone applying to be a case officer now, not only has to worry about job security but also collection priorities
"The name's Bond. James Bond."
"Morning to ya. How would ya like some fish?"
I don't really know much about Greenland. I just assume they sound like they're from Minnesota and eat a lot of fish.
Not sure if I'd want to lean heavily into the comedy, casting like Melissa McCarthy or someone with similar energy, or go the other way and cast someone who has the government agent look, like Glen Powell, and then has to spy on his kind neighbors in Nuuk.
This is the pilot of a sitcom. You're sitting on gold, dude. Guy goes from weird introvert newcomer no one likes to gradually warming up to the town he's supposed to be spying on, has a will they/won't they crush on the local bar owner... The town asks him to run for mayor by the end of S2.
The sad thing is we know that DOGE & crew took a copy of all CIA records and probably inserted themselves into their systems
So our spy probably really would have to avoid saying “glaciers” to keep their reports from being word-search detected & rejected, deleted, or reworded in to gibberish by ai
Yeah, so disappointing, eh? Spying on sled dogs... 🫤
But I'm more focused on a US prez so enamored of #ShinyObject fantasies (Greenland, Canada, Panama Canal) that he forgets to wonder what shiny objects preoccupy India, Pakistan, China, Syria, Turkey, Russia, Iran and Israel this afternoon. 😵💫
Comments
Tues: ditto
Wed: slightly warmer
Thurs: fish for lunch
Fri: nothing happened.
☑️ It’s not actually green — shocking intel confirms it’s mostly ice. Maps are being updated to read: “Misleadingland.”
"Morning to ya. How would ya like some fish?"
I don't really know much about Greenland. I just assume they sound like they're from Minnesota and eat a lot of fish.
NSA and CIA employ about 52,000
WTF are we even doing anymore.
So our spy probably really would have to avoid saying “glaciers” to keep their reports from being word-search detected & rejected, deleted, or reworded in to gibberish by ai
"Iceland is nice and Greenland is ice."
But I'm more focused on a US prez so enamored of #ShinyObject fantasies (Greenland, Canada, Panama Canal) that he forgets to wonder what shiny objects preoccupy India, Pakistan, China, Syria, Turkey, Russia, Iran and Israel this afternoon. 😵💫