This is the text of the bullshit email all federal government employees just received from the Office of Personnel Management (or are about to receive).
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Who is supposed to read all the emails, who is supposed to evaluate them and who is supposed to check them at all?
It serves to bring employees into line in order to remove inconvenient employees.
To Elon:
• Monday: Played round of golf, shot 62, with 2 holes-in-one
• Twosday: Ate a full bucket of KFC, all by myself, two diet cokes
• Wensday: Golf, shot 50
• Turdsday: Took my pills
• Fryday: Did something
— Donald J. Trump (do I get to keep my job?)
* Worked with [REDACTED] to plan Project [REDACTED]
* Enlisted support of [REDACTED]
* Acquired [REDACTED]
* Led deployment of [REDACTED] into [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]
* Reported results of Project [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]
Asinine way to run a country. Musk must be removed from all government facilities by a security officer as well as however many number of stooges he has with him. They have no idea what anyone’s job entails. Whoever is running OPM now probably doesn’t either.
That's absolutely going at the end of my list. My list is going to be maliciously compliantly long to the point of obnoxious. And I'm attaching my outstanding performance reviews.
- Waited for your emails.
- Analyzed your emails
- Vetted your emails with reliable sources
- Asked my colleagues how they were responding to your BS
- Tried to coordinate with a fired employee on the xxx project.
Government workers have key performance indicators & regular performance reviews. This email creates the false impression govt workers are slack. Musk assumes private ownership is inherently better. Private companies prioritise profit over people, hence his bias.
Just call him Commissar and dispose with all this so called efficiency and fraud finding. He and Trump world are really just acting and looking for former soviet style commisars.
Weird how the USA is just rolling over as anonymous twenty-somethings hack and slash into our critical systems, firing people carte blanche with no accountability. At the head, a ketamine wasted weirdo with a chainsaw and absolutely no credible evidence to support the hacking and purging. WEIRD!
Our problem is that the entire system was set up on the assumption that whoever was chosen to be President would NOT be a corrupt lackey of a foreign dictator out to destroy the power, prosperity, and stability of the United States.
trump-Vance administration with EMuskie and DOGE making the Founding Fathers look like gullible simps for assuming anybody involved in USA Government would be honorable gentlemen with loyalty and sense of protection for the nation.
Kinda surprised at the sloppy wording. If I were illegally threatening the livelihood of thousands of career employees, many of whom are veterans, I’d have said “respond with five bullet POINTS”
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
There are no dates on the letter quoted above. So anybody who doesn’t check email between now and Tuesday is screwed. Which Tuesday is anybody’s guess.
It shouldn't take five bullets to explain what somebody does at the Social Security office.
For a normal person, it should take one visit to the office. But for an overgrown child like Elon, I think it would just inspire him to think about how he "could make it more efficient." 🙄
I know everyone is having fun with what they would do, but it really lands differently if you are a federal employee. Please stop with the lists of five funny things. Our livelihoods are on the line here. How we support ourselves and our families. This is administrative terrorism.
You're not really funny about this is that this is exactly what you do in the tech world. So as a PM we often send them a boss the three things we accomplished the three things we didn't accomplish and the three things were working on. But this is all pretense just to fire them.
Except the corporate world and public sector are not "tech world". I don't have to justify my existence to my employer, I just have to actually do my work. The last time this shit happened, I complained to HR, and then quit.
It was an observation. How things are done in the tech world. No I would not send my list of things to Larry Ellison when I worked at Oracle to your point.
Seems like they are trying to get people to resign just to be out from under the tyranny. Not everyone has an extra couple hundred billion $ laying around to allow them to just quit.
So acquaintance fed worker is out of town on gov business and his email is set to automatically respond that he'll get back to them on his return in a week.
....
1) Laughed out loud at Elon's stupid hat.
2) Talked about how dumb Elon's hat was with coworkers and management.
3) Made sketch of Elon in his hat and taped it to the toilet seat in the restroom.
4) Read about Elon being a huge deadbeat dad.
5) Looked up "How much Ketamine is too much..."
This is great. A perfectly appropriate use of LLM AI technology, along with the 26 other emails each and every employees can simultaneously generate explaining in detail each of last week’s accomplishments, written in the style 26 different poets.
So like every postal worker needs to explain that they deliver mail, and every food service worker needs to explain they prepare food, and every custodian needs to explain they clean or maintain stuff? This is just such a clown show, of stupidity. I hate Elon Musk and wish he longer was on Earth.
Violation of Fed Employment Protections – Fed employees have due process rights under Title 5 of the U.S. Code, which protects them from arbitrary termination. Failure to respond to an email cannot legally be equated to voluntary resignation unless the employee has clearly indicated intent to resign
Unlawful Constructive Discharge – If an employee is effectively forced to resign due to an unreasonable requirement (such as responding to a non-official email), this could be considered constructive discharge, which is legally challengeable.
Violation of Agency Procedures – Each federal agency has established procedures for employee evaluations, discipline, and termination, typically requiring formal notice and opportunity for response before an adverse action is taken.
I mean I spent the week scrambling to make up for a third of our group getting fired over the weekend. I am happy to tell him what a pain in the ass that was.
I mean, it is trivial to, for example, if working at the USDA...
Hei, ChatGPT, kindly write me 5 bullet points, each approx one thousand words long, in very dense bureauticese, highlighting Dear President's contributions respectively to the yields of onions, garlic, lettuce and beans.
1. Mythical Birth Compliance (Regulation 17.3.1-B): Pursuant to the Supreme Historical Narratives Act (SHNA), Section 42(a), the birth of Dear Leader is officially recognized as occurring atop Mount Paektu, a location designated under Mythological Significance Ordinance 12.4.
Putting “please” on the second sentence is very funny. That’s not how the government typically talks about classified data. It is always a command, not a request, to not share it improperly.
I don’t see a character limit, nor instructions not to use AI to generate the response, nor even any requirement that said accomplishments need to be work-related.
1. Laundry
2. Made a pie
3. Walked the dog
4. Unclogged a toilet
5. Spent an hour at the grocery store trying to find only Canadian brands while stress-eating a 3 pack of Ho-Ho's but of course ran the empty package through the checkout, receiving knowing looks from the checkout person
This is obviously a phishing scam. It has all the "watch-outs" they teach us about. Unknown sender, urgent response required, threatening tone, bad grammar, etc.
- finish my tasks allocated by my manager
- console my ex-colleagues you just fired
- figure out where they left off on their tasks
- learn to do their assigned tasks
- write an email to explain my very specific technical job to a complete layperson so I won't join my ex-colleagues.
Hm. Just asking so I'm not a gov employee just a civilian. Should we also send an email to them with what we did or whatever the heck we want tonsay.. asking for a few million friends
why not just send
1. worked on -classified
2. emailed -classified
3. read emails from -classified
4. attended meetings on- classified
5. participated in input on- classified
“I diligently, timely and professionally disposed of the duties assigned to me.”
The idiot doesn’t know what the agencies do, let alone its employees. Any competent restructuring would involve interviews with managers, not idiotic busy work for employees.
I certainly hope anyone who does reply makes certain not to use ANY of the code words they likely have uploaded to their AI algorithm to fire people. Definitely look them up. The list is long.
- Sent letter to WH requesting more aid be sent to Ukraine
- Sent letter to Congress explaining how democracy works
- Sent 2nd letter to Congress asking the Republicans to stop being pussies & stand up to Trump
- Sent copy of the Constitution to the Supreme Court
- Sent box of condoms to Elon Musk
What did I do last week?
1. Nailed your mom
2. Nailed her again & filmed it.
3. Wiped Boogers on the windshield of one of your shitty cars.
4. Spent time with your kids since you don’t.
5. Took a shit on one of your cars.
Sincerely,
Deez Nuts
Could not responding be a cause for termination? If not, nobody should respond as responding would give him an excuse to fire everybody not meeting his undefined authoritarianism goals.
It clearly isn't legal, but right now what is and is not legal is not stopping them, because they can move faster than the courts.
But the courts will eventually win. This will be like the transgender military ban or the people kicked out for not taking the vaccine. The next admin will fix it. 🤞
Dude, we don’t know when or if there’ll be a next admin since we don’t know what’s going to happen next week. If it wasn’t for lawyers and reporters covering everything we’d be lost.
Doesn’t mean he won’t put them out of their jobs and then they have to fight it. Trump posted this morning that musk needs to terminate more employees.
I’m grateful for all the lawyers doing that, but I also don’t want people to have their lives destroyed over an absurd email. He’s running the govt like it’s his own company when he shouldn’t be there at all. Someone said he did the same thing at Twitter.
They aren't (legally) the bosses of the entire federal workforce. If this all weren't seriously and unfairly impacting wide swaths of federal workers, the unseriousness of these actions would be tedious.
• Did not report to you
• Continued to not report to you
• Still reported to someone else
• Wondered why you would think I owe you a response*
• Wondered if anyone actually reports to you
Answer: Before I comply with this directive, please provide me with documentation that this is a lawful request being made by a person or office that is authorized to make it so that I can have my lawyer and union rep review it.
340M people are waiting for anyone between Richmond and Baltimore to point out not every single federal employee is a direct report to an oatmeal-brained president and his ketamine-hooked puppeteer.
They should all write they spent their time wondering if they had jobs or not, they spent their time in fear and under tyranny. They had to watch America collapse.
Elon and his N*zi tech bros are just terrorizing public servants. If we can come back from this mess, we will never be able to get people to work in govt again. (And I know that is part of why they do this.)
• Came in fifteen minutes late
• Came in through the side door so Lumbergh doesn’t see me
• Spaced out for about an hour
• Stared at paper so it looks like I’m working
• Zoned out
I don’t even work for the federal government anymore.
Comments
It serves to bring employees into line in order to remove inconvenient employees.
• Monday: Played round of golf, shot 62, with 2 holes-in-one
• Twosday: Ate a full bucket of KFC, all by myself, two diet cokes
• Wensday: Golf, shot 50
• Turdsday: Took my pills
• Fryday: Did something
— Donald J. Trump (do I get to keep my job?)
My job
My job
My job
My job
My job
At this point I'd probably end up in the unemployment line or joining some huge lawsuit with other people fired for no fucking reason.
1. 🖕
2. 🖕🖕
3. 🖕🖕🖕
4. 🖕🖕🖕🖕
5. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Extra credit: 🖕
2. Classified
3. Classified
4. Classified
5. Classified
Do NOT respond to Elon’s email.
5 times
Just to keep them in their toes
* Worked with [REDACTED] to plan Project [REDACTED]
* Enlisted support of [REDACTED]
* Acquired [REDACTED]
* Led deployment of [REDACTED] into [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]
* Reported results of Project [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]
😀
2. Defend
3. Depose
4. ???
5. Profit!
- Analyzed your emails
- Vetted your emails with reliable sources
- Asked my colleagues how they were responding to your BS
- Tried to coordinate with a fired employee on the xxx project.
POTUS personally can’t even legally do what’s going on. Let alone some rando who bought himself a US president. Am I seriously delusional?
Ha! Fooled them! Silly rabbits!
2. be even more tempting to reply all with some broken code that would take out the servers
played golf
played golf
played golf
fascism
D. Trump
Cheated at Video Games
Took more Ketamine
Harassed people on X
Undermined Democracy
E.Musk
Respectfully,
Kitties
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
2. Classified
3. Classified
4. Classified
5. Classified
For a normal person, it should take one visit to the office. But for an overgrown child like Elon, I think it would just inspire him to think about how he "could make it more efficient." 🙄
Something something at opm
Something dot gov
https://mailbait.info
Tell them what you did last week! Flood the server and shut it down.
Looking for eggs.
Watching your freedoms get taken away.
Drinking
Saying that is now how the constitution works
More drinking
We are in the dumbest timeline.
1. Eat a dick.
2. Suck my ass.
3. Go fuck yourself.
4. You're a moron.
5. Everyone fucking hates you.
I'm going back to work.
P.S. Did I already tell you to go fuck yourself?
....
2) Talked about how dumb Elon's hat was with coworkers and management.
3) Made sketch of Elon in his hat and taped it to the toilet seat in the restroom.
4) Read about Elon being a huge deadbeat dad.
5) Looked up "How much Ketamine is too much..."
besides being a horrendously stupid venture of a loyalty test.
I did notice, butthole images are cool to send.
Hei, ChatGPT, kindly write me 5 bullet points, each approx one thousand words long, in very dense bureauticese, highlighting Dear President's contributions respectively to the yields of onions, garlic, lettuce and beans.
To whom it may concern
This is in response to your recent enquiry concerning a bulleted list of 5 (five) weekly accomplishments by the undersigned. 1/
(I know this isn't remotely in good faith)
Gonna report this as junk
Give me a reason why
You are an imbecile
Up yours
1. Bought LGBTQ books
2. Bought Black books
3. Bought Indigenous books
4. Bought Hispanic books
5. Bought books on how to recognize authoritarian regimes
* I did it all for the nookie
* I did it in the road
* I did it my way
* Oops I did it again
https://bsky.app/profile/jokawpa.bsky.social/post/3lisac55is22e
📧😈
Maybe still will since hundreds of thousands of people are supposed to slam [email protected] within the same 50 hours or so.
What’re the chances the whole thing will go boom before end of day Monday the 24th? Bets?
Just sayin.
2. Made a pie
3. Walked the dog
4. Unclogged a toilet
5. Spent an hour at the grocery store trying to find only Canadian brands while stress-eating a 3 pack of Ho-Ho's but of course ran the empty package through the checkout, receiving knowing looks from the checkout person
"Print me out some code you're written so I can review it"
2: My job.
3: wait, let me think… my job.
4: Replied to emails (such as this one…)
5: My job.
Regards.
Piss off
- console my ex-colleagues you just fired
- figure out where they left off on their tasks
- learn to do their assigned tasks
- write an email to explain my very specific technical job to a complete layperson so I won't join my ex-colleagues.
- whoops, sorry, just included the nuclear codes and cc'd everyone
( and the intent of the email is total fucking bollocks, Muskolini did that same shit at Twatter)
Musk is clearly a high ranking de facto official in the regime.
For now at least, presumably they'll be an explosive falling out at some point.
• [redacted]
• [redacted]
• [redacted]
• [redacted]
The non-violent malicious compliance is to send 5 pictures of bullets.
* drank a vodka drink
* drank a lager drink
* drank a cider drink
* wrote an email that reminded me of better times
Monday, my fucking job
Tuesday, my fucking job
Wednesday, my fucking job
Thursday, my fucking job
Friday, my bucking job
Now fuck off and let me do my job
1. worked on -classified
2. emailed -classified
3. read emails from -classified
4. attended meetings on- classified
5. participated in input on- classified
“I diligently, timely and professionally disposed of the duties assigned to me.”
The idiot doesn’t know what the agencies do, let alone its employees. Any competent restructuring would involve interviews with managers, not idiotic busy work for employees.
- Sent letter to Congress explaining how democracy works
- Sent 2nd letter to Congress asking the Republicans to stop being pussies & stand up to Trump
- Sent copy of the Constitution to the Supreme Court
- Sent box of condoms to Elon Musk
1. Nailed your mom
2. Nailed her again & filmed it.
3. Wiped Boogers on the windshield of one of your shitty cars.
4. Spent time with your kids since you don’t.
5. Took a shit on one of your cars.
Sincerely,
Deez Nuts
Great minds, etc. etc…
CIA people: "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to k!ll you. Sooner."
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdTellYouButThenIdHaveToKillYou
But the courts will eventually win. This will be like the transgender military ban or the people kicked out for not taking the vaccine. The next admin will fix it. 🤞
Likely intentional to force everyone to follow him on X and increase traffic there.
⚫️under
⚫️contract
⚫️key
⚫️elements
⚫️list
⚫️of
⚫️names
* Delay
* Deny
* Depose
* DOGE is
* De worst
Found out in 2015 when I was going to tell a coworker I was having a shitty morning
(Assuming you’re in a position to cope with a type unemployment.)
• Continued to not report to you
• Still reported to someone else
• Wondered why you would think I owe you a response*
• Wondered if anyone actually reports to you
*because I do not report to you
-spit in your food
-farted in your food
-jerked off in your food
-put exlax in your food
-put cat shit in your food
- Classified
- Classified
- Classified
- So classified even your Russian handlers don’t know about it
Mass boycott. How funny would it be if no one responded?
In support.
The Citizens of the Nation
•sleep
•eat
•shit
•sleep again
•have a drink
Like go to HELL Musty
yer mom.
I guess it’s an “are you on social media” test.
What if someone was on leave or something?
Just dumb. No way to run a business… or a government.
• Came in fifteen minutes late
• Came in through the side door so Lumbergh doesn’t see me
• Spaced out for about an hour
• Stared at paper so it looks like I’m working
• Zoned out
I don’t even work for the federal government anymore.