I lost my mom on Christmas Eve 2022 and while I don’t cry the way I did that whole first year… it’s still rough. Hang in there. I still write to my mom everyday just to say what I would have said if she were to call me today. It’s therapeutic for sure.
I want to say it gets better. Yet, I have found it is the coping with the grief and loss that may get better over time. Keep hold of the memories. Write them down, and smile with the power she left you with.
I'm so sorry. Regular doses of love like that are hard to come by, and you must feel that loss very acutely. Time helps, or at least sometimes changes things in ways that add depth and perspective and dull pain.
Her love remains but this missing her never does. Back in the 90s my mother kept this toy phone in her car because she figured it looked like a car phone and would deter her from being car jacked. I just love looking at this photo.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm feeling that same pain regarding the loss of my dad to dementia 2 months ago. Just when I think I've cried all my tears, something triggers me & I begin the process all over again. It doesn't help that I'm in the process of selling his home & all that entails.😥💔🙏🏽
I lost my dad 3 yrs ago and it still feels like yesterday. I'm currently listening to "Blackbird" by Alter Bridge. So beautiful and makes me think of him. Sorry for your loss.
Oh my dear. I feel this. For a couple of years after my mom died, I felt like I had secretly died, too, and that I was just imitating myself. The vagaries of grief were far stranger and more massive than I ever expected.
In the months before my mother passed, I had gotten into the habit of calling her during my commute home. I’m glad I did because I got to talk to her a lot in her last days, but now I still have the instinct to call her on my way home everyday and it hurts.
i am so sorry. thirty-five years later, i still miss my mom every day. she is the cardinal who perches on the tree outside my kitchen window. your mom is watching you. take good care.
I love this image. When we went to bury my mom’s ashes - 28 years ago - a bobcat crossed our path, stopped, and looked right at us. We decided it was mom’s spirit.
I’m not a very spiritual person but it really felt like she was there.
Roxane, I don’t know you, but I can assure you that if your mom left a crater it means that she was beyond special. Great moms do that. I feel you. Treasure the fact that your mom was awesome and that hole left behind is for you to fill up with memories. ❤️
She is with you every day. Lost my Mom 14 years ago and I draw strength from her still, especially during these dark times. Sending you positive thoughts and peace in knowing she has never truly left you. ❤️
Ugh. The crater. Same. I’m so sorry. Lost my mom in August. It gets easier. And that’s sad in a different way. But it gets easier because it has to and because she would want it to. Hang in there.
My mum died over 20 years ago. I still miss her every day. My brother died a week ago. I’m heartbroken.
Life sucks.
But u will get through it. We all do.
It’s never easy. But I carry them in my heart.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Loosing my mom was devastating. I’m sure you know this but let it all out and feel the feels. I hope you have loved ones close by to lean on. ❤️
Waiting for me on the other side of sharp grief, I found new memories of my mom. I'd forgotten she made us German apple pancakes on snow days (which were rare in TN) until I woke up one snowy day & had a craving. I'd forgotten so much. I hope you emerge from your grief into new memories of her.
Going on 3 and a half years now, and I keep seeing stuff and thinking "I should call Mom and tell her about this." It's a punch to the chest every time.
im sorry. its been 10 yrs for me and sometimes i feel like ive only begun to make sense of it -- the reality is we probably never do. In the true, non-linear shape of time, they're there, somewhere, and i tell myself the big grief spells is how we communicate our love & loss thru non-absolute time
May 6 will be a year since I lost my mom. The grief journey really is a lot. An immense amount of this particular kind of love and the feeling that you have nowhere to put it anymore.
I’m so sorry. I feel the same about my mom who died in July. I cannot believe how shattered I still feel and probably always will. I miss her so much. Thank you for sharing this because it makes me feel less alone with this heavy constant grief.
My lost my mom in 1981 and still haven’t gotten over it. I am now 24 years older than she was when she died. It’s okay, Roxane, to live with that crater.
Sending you so much love. I lost my aunt who was like my mom 24 years ago. Losing her is a gaping hole in my life that sometimes consumes me but most often inspires me. You will get there. She is with you! Be in constant pursuit of the signs, it is but a veil. 🙏🏼❤️
I have waves of missing my mom. She loved a dark blue sky- she said she wanted a velvet dress of that color. Now when I see that sky color I think of her. 💙 It’s been 12 years.
It’s been 38 years since my son’s death. I think of him every single day, often multiple times. Our grief never really ends; as time passes, we become stronger in carrying it. Our memories truly become blessings that can bring overwhelming joy.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm dreading the loss of my own mom, she's 84, and I already know her passing will leave me devastated. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself.
Lost my dad in mid December. I feel the same. Read this by Lin-Manuel Miranda:
Good morning.
Your very presence is intoxicating.
Good night.
Your very absence is sobering.
You sound like me...😁 I have out loud conversations with my dad. It helps...a little bit.
Not a big believer of superstition/old wives tales...but I saw 2 red cardinals on the same day. It's believed that their appearance means a loved one is letting you know they're ok
& watching over you. 💖
The day after my mom passed, I was carrying a basket of laundry into the backyard to hang. A butterfly landed on the basket. My mom loved butterflies. I just knew it was her telling me she was ok.
I only allow myself to grieve for my mom 10 minutes, maybe once a week, otherwise i would not be able to human
The same new church she helped design where we had her funeral, I got married in 6 months later, and never got to help decorate our new home, she was an upholster and interior designer
You don’t know me, but this thing you are experiencing, I know it. My dad
described the same with his mother. He kept trying to call her. I did the same when he died. It’s a black hole. You don’t see it, but the hole bends your time and your light. The distance between years is totally malleable.
Yes I understand! I lost my mom in 2012 she passed away the day before Easter. I still get that gut wrenching feeling of wanting to call her to ask a question🥲. And realize I can't. Ugh!
Going to be 4 years next week, and it's the worst club to be in. Those daily calls when I was driving home from work, and sitting in the driveway. I miss them. Sending you so much love.
You’re always too young to lose your mom. That’s how my sister and I felt when we lost ours. It hits especially hard at first because you think, “I gotta call Mom and tell her about this,” and then you remember that she’s gone and it’s like losing her all over again. My heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry. It's a year for my mom but often feels like it just happened, like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. We spoke daily, sometimes multiple times, to share a thought, a laugh, or advice. Sometimes just to say "hi, what are you doing?" The void heals but never closes.
It’s awful. No other way to say it. My Dad’s been gone almost two years and I still long to hear his voice, or see him roll his eyes at something silly I said.
It helps to have others in grief - they know there’s no way for it to get better and they’ll sit with you through the pain. ❤️
My 3rd book is about that. My grandmother, who was my real mother. You're never the same after that. I lost my shit when she died, and the way she died.
The finality of not being able to call him and tell him about the new tool I bought, or about how I figured out why my car battery drained overnight, or tell him about his granddaughter's new job, or just bitch about morons, has been more difficult than I ever imagined.
I'm so sorry. I just lost my mom in January. I realised shortly after her death that I'd feel like this for the rest of my life. We used to talk every day about every little thing. There's no one else I can do that with.
I'm so sorry. My mom is alive but extreme maga since 2015. We severed ties. It feels like she's dead. We don't talk. She's bat shit crazy 84 , dementia lead brains tin foil wearing. Lost my inheritance. Be glad you had a relationship with her. I don't know my mother. Just have child memories now
My mom lost her father when she was about 9, and that hole has never gone away, but I do know that it’s gotten easier for her, and I hope the same for you.
My mom died a year ago today. I think about her every day. We would talk on the weekends and now there’s just silence. I never thought it would be so quiet.
My mom had Alzheimer’s and missing her when she was alive, sitting right next to me, was in some ways harder than missing her these last five years since she's passed. I so miss those phone calls, too.
Sending you both support. My mom had frontotemporal dementia the last 4 years of her life, but the decline didn't really kick in until the last 2. Oh, her voice and laugh! Her 'good' days were so special and rare; I treasure those memories.
That is a horrible loss. It’s such an unanchored feeling. It’s been 8 yrs for me and I still find myself saying “oooh I should call Mom and tell her…” then I remember. It’s such a sucker punch to the emotional gut. Sending you love
We are total strangers but I know the pain of loss you speak of with other family members. My sympathies and condolences. Maybe there are old home movies or means of hearing her voice again from recordings or something. I hope, in time, you find a sense of peace.
Right there with you. I'm coming up on the 1-year anniversary of my Mom's death, and it STILL doesn't feel real. I still keep waiting for a text message or call. It's gutting. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Proud of you for pushing through it and glad for you, that you had the daily calls while you could—a lot of people either don’t have or don’t take advantage of that opportunity, and regret it later.
Like all other relationships that end, over time you will heal and move on—keep that head up.
I’m so sorry. My mom and I were very not close, but 15 yrs after her passing, I am still really sad and lonely without her. A mother’s role can never be filled
My dad's been gone 4 years and I'm usually fine, but I found myself getting a little verklempt talking to the guy there to clean my parents' apartment floors about the vacancy circumstances (we recently moved my mom into senior living and are prepping it to rent). There are unexpected weird moments.
I'm so sorry for your loss. 25 years later (she was only 45), there are still times when I miss mine so much that I almost can't breathe. Wishing you the peace and comfort of happy memories. Be gentle with yourself.
My dad passed before my spouse lost either parent. When it was clear his mother was terminal, I forced him on a plane to her saying exactly this - that nothing could prepare him for what it will be like to not talk with her ever ever ever again. All my sympathy.
I'm so sorry, Roxanne. My Pops has been gone 16 years this August and how I so wish I could talk to him right now, have a conversation. It's an indescribable hole only that person can fill. All I have is a virtual hug to offer you. I'm sorry you're hurting.
I'm so sorry, Roxane. I lost my mom over 20 years ago (just typing these words is painful), and one thing I can tell you is you never get used to being a person who doesn't have a mom. That feeling never goes away.
Sorry for your loss. Been over 10 years since I lost my mom. Remember when it was more recent and I would have something come up and would think, instinctively that I’m going to call her and it would hit me. It does get better with time.
Losing a parent vaults you into a specific, irrevocable level of adulthood. It goes in waves but missing them stays constant. Please continue to take care.
I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing, Dr. Gay.
Please accept my deepest condolences, as someone who has very much enjoyed tales about your family over the years, especially those of your beloved Mother.
Like you said, it's a lot.
I would not be who I am without my mother; I mean that in the best way. I carry her essence as best as I can, with me. She has now been dead for 12 years, but we have convos, pretty much still, on the daily. Our mom's passing is only the sound muted; her voice remains.
I just put up a lamented newspaper clipping of my mother, a few hours ago, caressing her beautiful face. It’s a deep well. I hope in due time you’ll begin to feel her presence not beside you but in every cell. Grace, comfort and ease, Roxane. 💫
Lost my mom 8 months ago. Her 70th birthday is on Easter Sunday. I wanted to throw up while driving today when that grief wave crashed over me. I'm so sorry.
I can't tell you how many times I stopped myself from dropping in on her Alexa to yap about all the nonsense in the news.
The realization will fade for a bit, and then hit you out of nowhere at a random moment, and you just start crying on a Tuesday morning. It’s tough. Rely on your family/friends/support folks. Sharing it with others makes it easier, I promise. My thoughts are with you.
Holding you in my heart. ❤️ Mine passed away before cell phones so I never had the stress of taking her contact info out of my phone. But I never had any voicemail messages either.
This. I remember changing my phone out and turning it off knowing any text or message was on the device (flip phone) and I could not save them. Before the cloud.
When my mom died, I was 61, it felt like the umbilical cord between us had been cut again and for good. It took time, but it did get easier. I hope that for you too. 🙏🩷
Comments
It brings home what you have lost.
Try “the year of magical thinking” by Joan Didion.
Sad to report it doesn't lessen, just changes -- my father's absence is still top-of-mind 12 years later.
Feel your feelings, all you can do.
I’m not a very spiritual person but it really felt like she was there.
Life sucks.
But u will get through it. We all do.
It’s never easy. But I carry them in my heart.
I think because the dog’s love was unconditional.
🕊️🕊️🕊️
May your mother’s memories be blessings, Roxane.
It is an experience most of us will have at some point, and yet it feels so singular.
Good morning.
Your very presence is intoxicating.
Good night.
Your very absence is sobering.
I used to fake call my mom everyday for weeks after she died. I always knew what she’d say, even about losing her. Deeply soothing.
Big hugs.
Not a big believer of superstition/old wives tales...but I saw 2 red cardinals on the same day. It's believed that their appearance means a loved one is letting you know they're ok
& watching over you. 💖
The same new church she helped design where we had her funeral, I got married in 6 months later, and never got to help decorate our new home, she was an upholster and interior designer
described the same with his mother. He kept trying to call her. I did the same when he died. It’s a black hole. You don’t see it, but the hole bends your time and your light. The distance between years is totally malleable.
I try to tell myself the depth of my grief is equaled by the depth of my love for her...if we didn't love them, we wouldn't miss them so much.
It helps to have others in grief - they know there’s no way for it to get better and they’ll sit with you through the pain. ❤️
Like all other relationships that end, over time you will heal and move on—keep that head up.
No words to fix it… one day at a time and know you are not alone…
I lost my Dad in February, it's tough
I miss her like the sun.
Holding space for you and your mom in my heart.
Please accept my deepest condolences, as someone who has very much enjoyed tales about your family over the years, especially those of your beloved Mother.
I would not be who I am without my mother; I mean that in the best way. I carry her essence as best as I can, with me. She has now been dead for 12 years, but we have convos, pretty much still, on the daily. Our mom's passing is only the sound muted; her voice remains.
I can't tell you how many times I stopped myself from dropping in on her Alexa to yap about all the nonsense in the news.
🫂Hugs🫂
I loved to bring her flowers.