lol come on man. "No, I will not speak to you, but yes I will definitely continue going ham on you all day long about your girlfriend." How is this still a thing. May god have mercy on my soul.
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For the first time in 20 years, this made me think of a local furniture store's tv commercials - "...where you always get a free onion." And then this 80s wrestler lookin dude would take a bite out of an onion.
Even central Illinois gets a little weird sometimes.
If his big thing is being immunocompromised, then I'd say invite them to a Zoom/Teams online meeting, one on one, and let them record the whole thing to post later.
If they still refuse to directly engage and go for the online clout-chasing, then cut bait.
my fav part of this is how all of the questions in his thread have been answered. Just not well enough to meet the Dana Houle standard! lol. i truly hope the GOP money pot he wants a pat on the head from sees that thread. He's doing big things for them with it.
the whole "this is journalistic ethics" thing cracks me up. I know you were a journalist, but we're talking about the onion here. Y'all aren't doing reporting.
All good, part of the deal. When your girlfriend goes to you and says "I want to run for office as a young woman," my first thought was definitely not, "My life is personally going to improve." But she's brilliant and a very good person, so I got out of her way. I'm just very proud of her.
It is a lot of hard work and totally different from just shooting opinions into the ether. If she decided to dig ditches instead of post and that’s what she wanted a partner should be proud of that too.
"Come on, fucker. Don't -just- be proud. Tell us WHY she's so great. What, you scared of displaying positive masculinity? Don't want people to think you're a good partner? Fuckin scared?"
You should have said, “No. You can only run for office as a young man. Grow a penis and then we’ll discuss. I am the man of the house and I have spoken.”
I suppose you had to consider the ethical challenges of......... your Onion News involvment and the uh, journalistic malpractice (??????) of supporting your girlfriend?
The Honorable thing is to measure the apartment, and bulk buys on tarps. It's really embarassing to give your beloved a throne of skulls if you haven't really thought about A) getting rid of the bodies of her enemies, and B) making sure it can fit in the living room of a $4,000 Chicago apartment.
I WAS a little puzzled; I didn't _think_ LA had a trademark on "Miracle Mile", but I'd never heard of one in Chicago. I just figured "I'm not from there, what do I know?"
@bencollins.bsky.social I will get lunch in the Miracle Mile with you. We could do Cheesecake Factory? That ok Lou’s on Rush. The new tavern on rush? Anything on the Miracle Mile we all know and love.
Right, if you don't want to meet for lunch because your'e immunocompromized, you say "Hey, I'm not comfortable going to a restaurant these days, maybe a Zoom call instead?"
No, definitely a better idea to just be a bitch on Bluesky.
Oh my god, he's also one of those lib racists who falsely blames Arabs and progressives for WHITE MODERATES and CONSERVATIVES electing Trump.
Like, even if every Michigan Arab voted for Harris, she'd still lose. Switch the top 3 third party votes to Harris, still loses. Fucking loser all around.
No, I was just using an example from my real life and I don't often have non-friends asking me out for a meal. It's still a weird response to someone asking if you wanna get together to discuss something in person, either way.
ah. I think the non-friend asking is what makes it weird, but I'm biased bc we have a local politician who does this to anyone who asks about her work or criticizes her so that she doesn't have to put anything in writing.
I mean, I think when someone is constantly publicly saying shit about you - it makes sense to extend an offer to meet in person to talk about it? If they were total strangers who never heard of each other before, yea, that'd be totally weird.
Really respect that you took it with them directly, reached out and tried to settle it like adults. Won't work with most of these folks, but that's on them. Worth the shot.
Hey Ben Collins, your journalistic ethics are abysmal. In this thread I will list all the reasons why you should buy me lunch and also why I can't attend said lunch 1/?
In related news. The fella to whose defense I uttered a few words of support blocked me. Must’ve been me mentioning the nullification of duly elected candidates to the DNC.
This social media stuff is a fucking minefield. Anyway, if you’re in Il-09, please consider Kat Abu as your Rep. she has been one of the strongest voices for the working class and anti-genocide out there.
Now I have this picture in my head of them sitting at a table in a restaurant. Ben is trying to have a constructive conversation and Dana is just furiously typing skeets on their phone about the situation and firing them off.
As far as I can tell, he is *majorly* upset because you & your partner weren't Facebook official for 2 months. I don't know, not very good at giving straight answers & blocked me when I asked which candidate he was working for.
I don’t understand why I keep seeing everyone on this website being so damn weird about Kat. That’s what this is again about, isn’t it? It’s starting to feel coordinated.
I'd think it's also possible to be have a similar political philosophy to the person you're dating and therefore support their candidacy regardless of personal relationship.
Lot of people have had knives out for Kat since she announced her candidacy. This is another phase of the operation. Sorry you're caught up in this but so is Kat, nature of the industry sadly. Best of luck to you both. Don't know how you split bad faith attacks from fools; it's gotta be tough.
Another guy in this thread (who won't let me quote post) dug up evidence that I was just assuming existed - the guy is anti-Palestine and that's what motivates his attacks on you, he's just lying about seeing a "conflict of interest" - https://bsky.app/profile/danahoule.bsky.social/post/3lhfdfhslms2z
Alternatively if you want me to say mean things about you on the internet first I might be willing to do that, but honestly you seem pretty reasonable.
There's some highly "ME ME ME" posturing going on here with all the "I am a living human person," "shamelessly pushing" and "not stop criticizing [...] egregious violation" et al
Oh goodness, as I rewind a little after learning Dana's some kind of political support animal minus points to me for my somnolent reading comprehension re: living human person, who said it, to whom
Wild that they claim you're guilty of some nebulous ethics violation (from a relationship you've never hidden lmao) while they clout chase like a fucking boomer.
p.s. I mask everywhere & eat outdoors when it's cold as a witch's tit. It's an option! their real excuse is the "I don't wanna" bit lol
I guess I’m confused. I think it is time for younger people to take congressional seats from the elderly, because those folks need to retire. I like Kat I think she’s great and I hope she wins because we need more young people in congress. I honestly don’t care who she lives with, you’re adults.
To add, not wanting to eat in restaurants or travel is totally understandable especially for those with immune deficiencies, chronic illness or other risk factors. Unfortunately this person is using it as a bullshit excuse not to engage at all through any medium.
he had the gall to be publicly supportive of his girlfriend's political campaign while both having a comedy publication and only implying at appropriate moments that they were together rather than adding "btw shes my girlfriend" to every expression of support
Yup, and his whole idiotic argument is based on “journalistic ethics,” which he believes apply to Ben in his current role as head honcho of The Onion “because he might go back into journalism someday.”
He was constantly introducing himself as her partner at campaign events knowing full well everyone would assume it’s an onion bit and a lie. That is just evil behavior. He fake uno reversed us all and I won’t stand for it
Oh yes I keep forgetting once a human being becomes a candidate they must forsake all earthly possessions, human relationships, and intimacy. After all no president has ever been supported as a candidate by any friends or family, certainly not the current one
Wait, so the controversy is that you're supporting your girlfriend's candidacy? Heaven forfend!
You don't hold an office, you don't own a major nonfictional newspaper, is the accusation that you're popular so you shouldn't talk about things you care about? This is weird.
And we haven’t even gotten to the point of The Onion doing an issue highlighting how she is the chosen candidate of Global Tetrahedron to bring about the end times.
I haven't criticized you, but I'm happy to get lunch with you downtown whenever you want. I'll bring the wife you bring your partner if you'd like. We'll talk Chicago Pope, engineering, news, politics, or the lack of polka bands that I assumed populated Chicago when I moved here a couple years ago.
this is the first truly twitter-esque main character crashout that i’ve seen since transitioning over here. it’s beautiful, like returning home after a war
You should respond with an extremely catty Onion article, like "Local man doesn't eat lunch, because the online drama is heating up" (you can probably do much better)
It's not that Girlfriends are illegal, it's that as a Serious Journalist, Federal Regulations require Tim Onion to send a DM to every user on BlueSky when he starts dating.
This oversight will lead to decreased trust in The Onion, America's Number One Source for News, Weather, and Sports.
It’s enormously frustrating that liberals aggressively hold each other to ridiculous standards, while Rs can crap their pants in public and people will applaud their bravery. We’re all going to end up at a gulag critiquing each other right up until they march us in front of the firing squad.
Come on Ben. Clearly The Onion is violating a deeply-held principle of “journalistic independence in joke newspapers” by not disclosing that it might be favoring one particular candidate.
what i also don't understand is...you did disclose it? like that's what they wanted and it's already happened so i guess im confused about what more you're supposed to be doing rn
you don't understand, any time you even THINK about kissing someone who might one day THINK about doing a politics you must disclose it to the newspaper.
god the homegrown aw shucks shit combined with "Miracle Mile", it's like accusing someone of being not New York enough because you don't want to take the Metro down to Avenue of the Americas to get lunch
If she’s elected and then you buy her a $400 million dollar plane then I’ll be concerned about the ethics but for now I’m not sure why we’re supposed to care.
if she's elected i expect, no, demand 24/7 coverage of her on the onion but instead its about her most mundane things. "area congresswoman orders burrito", "area congresswoman says 'the park looks nice today'", "area congresswoman unhappy about afternoon thunderstorm"
Imagine if they brought HALF that energy to demanding that DT and his cronies be removed from office for blatant corruption.
But nooo, it’s far more important to be mad at the satire paper guy for hyping his gf on his personal account without putting disclaimers that she’s his gf on every post.
My reaction to hearing that man who is responsible for The Onion being delivered to my house and the woman who saved me from having to watch Fox News are a couple was unbridled joy. These people suck.
Make me Bluesky famous so I can promote all your corrupt electoral interests on your behalf. It'll be like being a dark money donor, but worse. Dana won't suspect a thing
idk the pre-Tim Onion Onion did quite a bit to plant the image of Joe Biden as America’s “cool uncle” in the popular imagination, much to his benefit (and our detriment)
Well now I want to see wall to wall coverage of kat abu in the onion
Use your access. Show us her sock collection. Ask the hard hitting questions about her dishwasher loading strategy. Puff piece on toothpaste preferences.
i only know it on sight when i see the moshi moshi jesus desu frame because i have watched that anime episode that aum made which is where shoko on the phone (where he looks a lot like jesus)
"shamelessly pushing the candidacy" maybe i'm not terminally online enough but i think i've only seen one post of yours about her run for office and it was really about heater
Dude! How dare you be in a relationship with someone who is also a public figure in media who decides to run for office. Clearly you are supposed to forsake her to ease all of our minds. Shame on you.
What would be the point of such a conversation? You obviously don't think you did anything wrong, he obviously thinks your conduct was unethical. From his POV publicizing your unethical-by-his-lights conduct makes more sense than a pointless excersize in talking past each other.
This sure is about journalistic ethics and not about Houle being queasy at the idea of people to the left of John Fetterman or Rahm Emanuel running for office.
Mr Collins, would you like to comment on your unfair promotion of your own mother over all other mothers 6 the most recent celebrations of Mother's Day?
You might not like it (which is totally fair - i wouldn’t if my journalistic integrity as the CEO of a satirical publication was impugned) but I love it! This might be the ‘what if they can’t eat chili’ or ‘coffee with spouse in garden’ of 2025!
This is supposed to be a smear but really it’s a humblebrag that he is so well-connected to influential people that he has his pick of the disposable politically-adjacent litter. He’s practicing radical inverse access journalism
I mean, I don’t know the timeline here but Ben isn’t a journalist and hasn’t been for a while. They bought The Onion a year ago. I can’t speak for him but couching this in journalistic ethics is bullshit.
It should be featured in any stories on this. If someone carpet bags into a district it should be known why they moved to the district. Its pretty simple.
If you didn’t know about the relationship and had to be told it existed and why it might possibly be open to critique, it sounds like it didn’t add anything to the campaign at all
My response to them being in a relationship was “oh, good for them”. Ya know a normal way to respond to it. Quite possibly the least concerning relationship between someone running for office and someone in media.
At least none of them fucked a leathery animal killer/anti-vaxxer.
You require a man that runs a SATIRE site to disclose who his girlfriend is to the world, just because she happens to be running for office? What is WRONG you people? 🤦♀️
how exactly should it be disclosed? He's not writing profiles of her or stories about her so he can't disclose there, should he respond to every tweet he makes about her campaign with "DATING BTW"?
I've been following both of them for a while and won't, like, swear to it because it's certainly possible I missed something but I don't recall Mr. Onion promoting her candidacy at all, really. Maybe I overlooked it but I waste a TON of time on Bsky & feel like I would've noticed.
To be profoundly serious, Mr. Onion has been so profoundly NOT pushing her campaign that I honestly forgot that he is, in fact, Ben Collins IRL, and not just sticking up for a colleague.
lol, seriously. i found out like a couple days ago when Kat went to a wrestling match. come to find out, going to a wrestling match and having friends is bad
people acting like there's a Kat banner ad on the onion homepage
I live in the district she’s running for. The only thing I find weird about this is y’all haven’t been here very long & apparently don’t live in our district? I haven’t heard yet why any candidate that wants to represent me & mine is right for the job.
OMG they blocked me for pointing out that it’s “Magnificent Mile” not “Miracle Mile.” They don’t even know the town they’re trying say you don’t really know.
My DM to invite him to lunch would have read "I'd love to meet up in person just so I can find out if you are incredibly stupid or just intellectually dishonest" but you are clearly a much nicer person than I am.
"such an egregious violation of what I think it is"
Ummm...does that mean he's saying it's NOT what he thinks it is? The truth about the situation violates his idea of what the situation is?🤔
Thrilled to hear you are getting back into journalism (apparently) after this brief stint as the owner of a comedy website. I guess this makes the Onion your Jordan Plays Baseball era?
Anyone talking about how that person has worked in Dem electoral campaigns and in Capitol Hill? It's on their bio. Seems like a clear interest in muddying the waters with something as stupid as: editor of The Onion has violated sacred rules of journalism by supporting girlfriend's candidacy.
These people always betray themselves with the disproportionate response, like when Jennifer Lawrence didn't want to do full body paint for mystique and chuds pretended it was an offense against acting that was a real thing.
Also the only promotion I've seen you do is make @katmabu.bsky.social post that fucking abomination of a sandwich and now I'm no longer voting ever again.
Because they have imagined in their mind, or been told via a game of disinformation telephone, that Ben was using the Onion to shamelessly promote Kat's run and no one checks anything anymore before flying off the handle about it
Thanks for identifying an unhinged hater to block. Yes there are real reasons people could have an issue with Kat and the campaign, but this is outright incel level unhinged.
love > hate
Boomer here who broke the "rules" 45 yrs ago.Lived my life with alot of condemnation because I didn't do what some judged what I 'should' be doing. Sorry you both are in the spotlight. Finding love, trust & friendship is the best life worth lived. Peace & blessings to you both.
these people are 1000% republican plants that are trying to stir up controversy where none exists, they hate seeing such energy from a young democrat and are doing all they can to hurt her
Where is your integrity as a journalist, Tim Onion? With the Onion’s place as the premier and only factual source of news in the U.S., I expected better from you, and much more importantly, Global Tetrahedron’s shadowy cabal demands more from you.
I legit don't understand what people's point is. I feel like you're very clear on your general ideology, and would almost certainly be supporting this campaign even without a personal connection. So what's the difference?
You know what else hasn’t changed? Where she lives. In a $4K month lakefront 2 congressional districts from this one where she’s running. She says she’s unemployed & can’t break her lease, which is actually “I only moved to IL bc my partner was hired as CEO of The Onion…but donate to my campaign!”
I'd love to join Dana's little holier-than-thou bullshit, but I'm still hung up on the "straight and involved" part. All the cute ones are either married or straight. 😞
I for one fully support Mr. Onion's alleged slow seizure of power in the greater Chicago area via the use of a toxic polycule. Remember me when you obtain absolute power or I will become a modern Charles Guiteau.
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Like, come on my guy. Just be a person.
Even central Illinois gets a little weird sometimes.
If they still refuse to directly engage and go for the online clout-chasing, then cut bait.
Go eat a slop sandwich you stinky little ass turd 🖕
...On second thought, not worth the risk of a chop suey sandwich
This was sincere. Sorry if it came of aggressive
😂😋
(If she's into that).
No, definitely a better idea to just be a bitch on Bluesky.
Like, even if every Michigan Arab voted for Harris, she'd still lose. Switch the top 3 third party votes to Harris, still loses. Fucking loser all around.
Here's Why I Hate Your Restaurant Choice 1/543 ...
https://bsky.app/profile/jos1463.bsky.social/post/3lpaqquktbc2h
I asked if he was okay, and he blocked me. Guess he's not okay!
But it’s just walking through Shedd aquarium eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Kat will be an excellent representative for her community. FULL STOP.
This person needs to find a therapist & stop fixating on the few people actively standing up to this fascist administration.
look i'm sorry but this is as close as i'll ever get to writing for the onion
Huh?
If so, he should be happy that she'll lose and it'll all be over with.
"... because I'm upset that she personally won't fuck me" well now we have an issue
The Miracle Mile is in Los Angeles. The Magnificent Mile is in Chicago
(Not trying to kink shame or anything.)
There's some highly "ME ME ME" posturing going on here with all the "I am a living human person," "shamelessly pushing" and "not stop criticizing [...] egregious violation" et al
p.s. I mask everywhere & eat outdoors when it's cold as a witch's tit. It's an option! their real excuse is the "I don't wanna" bit lol
Love the Magnificent Mile in Chicago.
Also, if he’s NOT that’s way worse and so sad we should just let him post through it and get the help he needs.
But no, what will he post about then?
(I'VE BEEN WAITING YEARS TO MAKE THIS JOKE)
First he told me there was such a thing as ”the linear progression of time".
Then he told me his name was an onion.
What next? Is his newspaper not even filled with true facts?
i learn something new every day!
You don't hold an office, you don't own a major nonfictional newspaper, is the accusation that you're popular so you shouldn't talk about things you care about? This is weird.
You sir are history's greatest monster.
Have you even read r/redpill?
Is this like hating Wife Guy because they’re lonely or they hate their own partner?
Dawg I think The Hague is looking for you
And I’ve followed the both of you for an embarrassingly long time.
?
?
?
This oversight will lead to decreased trust in The Onion, America's Number One Source for News, Weather, and Sports.
You took what was rightfully his and must now pay the price.
What's the expectation here?? You are NOT a journalist by trade anymore - you're a CEO. Of a parody newspaper.
Not clear on how ANY of that implies a potential conflict of interest involving a partner (who's NOT an employee).
You should have your FCC license revoked.
This guy cannot be serious
G.
T.
F.
O.
H.
they think kat is in the pocket of BIG ONION
💀
that's ethics in journalism baybeee
😑
That's just ridiculous.
But nooo, it’s far more important to be mad at the satire paper guy for hyping his gf on his personal account without putting disclaimers that she’s his gf on every post.
https://bsky.app/profile/theonion.com/post/3lp7rq5xo722b
Well now I want to see wall to wall coverage of kat abu in the onion
Use your access. Show us her sock collection. Ask the hard hitting questions about her dishwasher loading strategy. Puff piece on toothpaste preferences.
woof.
All that being said, Dana is a sanctimonious tool. Always has been. Always will be.
Using your medical condition as a shield is weak sauce.
If a candidate has a personal relationship with anyone in the media, satirical or not, it’s an issue.
Not mentioning it is a choice as well.
disclosed MORE
they've already disclosed it and i'm scared to ask but what else are these people looking for here
can you just please help me unpack that statement, genuinely
At least none of them fucked a leathery animal killer/anti-vaxxer.
Dan A. Hole.
Why doesn't this idiot just say he hates the idea of a liberal woman running for anything?
people acting like there's a Kat banner ad on the onion homepage
I feel that you should be aware some asshole is signing your name to stupid posts.
Ummm...does that mean he's saying it's NOT what he thinks it is? The truth about the situation violates his idea of what the situation is?🤔
He literally describes them as a "media power couple", wtf
get dem clicks
FFS, people. Touch some damned grass - and I hate that phrase with a passion.
Boomer here who broke the "rules" 45 yrs ago.Lived my life with alot of condemnation because I didn't do what some judged what I 'should' be doing. Sorry you both are in the spotlight. Finding love, trust & friendship is the best life worth lived. Peace & blessings to you both.
My favorite rendition of it came up in playlist a bit ago:
https://youtu.be/DgaEd5hIxzI?si=4cerrhJN5fbVq5_-
This is so silly. I'm so sorry y'all are having to deal with this nonsense.
(How can this many people not be able to prioritize the ongoing disasterscape is beyond me.)
I'm for holding public figures to account, but this behavior is some online fetishism.