"My 'why is Jeff Goldberg in the war plans chat?' t-shirt raises questions that are answered by my 'why is Jeff Goldberg in the war plans chat?' t-shirt."
"When we're done, I'd love to reprise my role as a prison guard. I feel like so many innovations have been made since I got out the game that I'd love to do personally. Abu Ghraib stuff, new disappearance techniques, 'enhanced interrogation'. It's a new world! And Jeffy's back, baby. Count me in"
I would have started treating it like my college friends group chat and started dropping decades old inside jokes: “how’s the car?” “Havoc can play goalie”, etc etc.
Go on the offensive:
“Are we sure that we are completely OK on OpSec? What protocol was followed? No comms outside of Scif, air-gapped devices, everyone involved was Top Secret vetted, what else?”
Photoshopped pic of Vladimir Putin with a fake mustache saying, "Hello, my name is Mr. Nitup, and I come from, uh... someplace far away! (Yes, that will do.) Anyway, I think we should invest the entire U.S. Treasury in Russian crypto!"
I appreciate the reference but with a name like that, you really want to start a conversation: “JD, you were clear that if we took care of your talkative effeminate friend you would lobby PotUS to not bomb us. Do we need to talk about ‘vanishing’ vs. ‘quiet’?”
Telling everyone to play a game of changing all of their screen names for the lols and then changing his name too before dropping the article and acting stunned that someone did it and who could’ve done it??
tbh it's hard to think of anything funnier than just straight up saying "lol hey whatup guys this is the journalist you added to the war plans chat you fucking morons"
Yeah I think ditching the politeness is paramount to the humor. Tell them they massively fucked up, you're for sure writing about it, and then call them fucking stupid right to their faces.
Comments
> JD I’ll move this to another chat
"Okay cool is anyone bringing hit dogs? Should I get some?"
"Putin for Russia" during the roll call
"Hey guys, I've just run the costs on this.
In future run ops like this by DOGE first.
Elon xx"
Because he wants them to use HIS StarLink, so HE can make MORE money !!!
Elon Musk and Donald Trump only care about MONEY and THEMSELVES ! 😂😂😂
“Are we sure that we are completely OK on OpSec? What protocol was followed? No comms outside of Scif, air-gapped devices, everyone involved was Top Secret vetted, what else?”
Oh my bad wrong chat
Russian nuclear launch detected on 0706 EDT.
POTUS has already ordered retaliatory strike. All nuclear forces are deploying to launch positions.
Toughs and prayers!
And then
📝 📞 📰