a 🧵 on the way women and caregiving expectations
this weekend I was on a ~4hr flight seated in the aisle with another woman in her late 30s/early 40s in the window seat. toward the end of boarding, a dad came through with his 5yo daughter to take the middle seats on either side of this row. 1/
this weekend I was on a ~4hr flight seated in the aisle with another woman in her late 30s/early 40s in the window seat. toward the end of boarding, a dad came through with his 5yo daughter to take the middle seats on either side of this row. 1/
Comments
I’m gonna start invoicing our health insurance for mistakes and time wasted on calls.
can he help his daughter from 3 seats away
“Sweetie you want to watch the movie It? Ok Dad? How about Boogie Nights? Dad??”
“Would you like a snack box? How about 3 for this row. And 3 rum and cokes please. Doubles. And charge it to that sleeping asshole over there.”
But he’s going to insist on his custody time to Show That Bitch.
At his destination, there’s a new girlfriend, his sister, his mother who does the parenting for the two weeks.
When was five, I would have been TERRIFIED in such a situation. If this is a normal state of affairs for her, yikes!
JFC
That's why I can't Twitter anymore.
Thanks for playin'.
It takes a village and sometimes it's not all about you (crazy concept, I realize).
Men do this to us because we allow them to…”Do not obey in advance”.
He assumed you would do this work and not complain
You did the work and did not complain
You obeyed
I used to feel good about being trusted; Grown Adult me is mad about being used.
(I was a 9-year-old tiny professor chatterbox with absolutely no filter; in retrospect, I mostly just feel bad for the random guys in suits.)
(1) airlines should prioritize seating kids with their parent/caregiver
(2) flight to Hawaii, parents sat in 1st class, their 2 young kids at back of coach. My very nice friend entertained them (b4 tablets). Even other 👩🦳 assume
he didn't introduce himself or his daughter, she had no toys or books or even headphones. 2/
because he found two women who could take on the responsibilities of his child and called that good. he expected us to figure out the emotional labor and logistics. 5/
this is what we mean when we say women are America's safety net. this man got to check out for several hours assuming that we would care for and entertain his daughter.
as we deplaned he did pause to "thank [us] ladies for helping out" 6/
this little girl was left alone with strangers who could have been MUCh worse, and he never bothered to check. on her BIRTHDAY. 7/
(Or goes No Contact when she's 18. Whichever works better for her.)
Zero question.
But…he was right. That’s exactly what happened.
This is simply appalling. I couldn’t even fathom doing this. He’s insanely lucky that he managed to find the two nicest people on the planet. This could have gone much much worse, and he certainly deserved it (but not his daughter, poor thing).
I have no idea what's going on here...just seems a little suspicious and maybe dad can clear it all up with a short chat with law enforcement.
I know I’ve wandered off topic, but I’m one of those childless cat ladies he says “…are ruining society over their bitterness about their poor life choices” 🙄 from Ohio where Haitian refugees DON’T eat pets. 😒😤😡
The more people acquiesce, the more this CODEPENDENT shit happens.
Hole.
We've all read the Karen posts about the inconvenience of changing seats so families could sit together.
"I'm sure other people would but I can't."
It’s also a terrible idea to batter a child because you are unhappy
someone plops his spawn next down to me thinking imma TAKE CARE OF IT? I'd have hit the call button before his ass was in the seat
And any hatefulness you felt was aimed at the irresponsible man
I just see a lot of people online who dislike kids using the term "spawn" and "it" meant in a demeaning manner and made an assumption.
It's a hypothetical kid
It can be an it
Now a mother keeping her children with her or refusing to travel with several small children because she doesn’t want to depend on strangers? I’ve been told it’s paranoid, as if assuming strangers will pick up the slack is normal & 😤😡😖
If anyone ever sees or experiences something like this, I'd encourage telling a flight attendant that the child's parent is no where to be seen. They'll help.
It might not have been his fault he fell asleep. He could have a health issue or just work crazy hours.
Drawing general conclusions from individual 'special fathers' also not okay.
🤯
That child could have been in some serious trouble.
You two women were a real blessing for that girl. That dad should be reported, really.
A young boy … he was 12 on the flight alone to meet his mother in London.
(in 2010).
He had never been on a plane before.
Except in this case the flight attendants didn’t really aid him.
Getting off the flight there was no-one to help him.
We took him to the Arrivals Hall to get luggage, through customs and Border Security like he was my boy.
We met his mother when we exited and we are still friends.
Foolish me.
I know it could have escalated out of control but I desperately would have wanted to have spoken up.
WOW, how awful of a parent
I love kids, I'm forever being growled at for interacting with other people's kids. That is, on the rare occasion her face leaves her phone.
Your experience sucked. Who accepted it? Did you try to potty train the oaf?
Realistically none of these are best for the kid, so better she wasn’t seated next to me.
But airlines simultaneously charge extra for unaccompanied minor seating too
President Biden proposed banning "family seating" junk fees...but now who knows 🤷♀️
He’s the poster boy for declining fertility rates
ON HER *#$&%$#&*$^ BIRTHDAY TOO!
What an absolute disgrace of a dad.
But I do want to say that, as described, this is pretty horrible behavior, even among men.
And I would have done nothing except to push the flight attendant button every single time the little girl wanted or needed something.
But I love the idea of calling the flight attendant every time the separated by the airline child needed something. More of this. Put pressure on the airlines to have family-friendly seating policies.
then you'll never stop seeing it.
It's like noticing women always make space for other people (usually men) in public situations, except for if they play pedestrian chicken, and just keep on walking in a straight line, and literally end up in dozens of collisions.
He made sure the child felt comfortable, got him his plate, handled any discipline, took the kid to the bathroom, etc.
Even though there were tons of women with kids present.
Having been brought up by a single mother who wasn't capable of doing any of those things - or indeed anything much other than draining whiskey bottles - I feel like yes, examples of good parenting are to be cherished and praised.
He did exactly what a woman would do and that makes him a great partner. My sister and he had a kid together and the 2 year old is graduating college.
He is more than bare minimum.
He is just an all around guy. And It’s important for me to point that out.
I don’t suggest patting these guys on the back for bare minimum.
But choosing them is smart.
but....
for the little girls sake so glad it was you two classy, compassionate women.
Thank you for that 🙏💖
(I do not have nor want kids)
The situation calls for assertiveness ie explain it to him from the outset.
[Perhaps a kick in the balls]
I'm still hoping this is made up.
It’s not just that they were separated by the airline—it’s that he failed to check in, introduce or take on any interest.
I really feel for the child here.
“Oh, when I was a teacher if a parent neglected their child like this, we would have to report it for safeguarding concerns.”
I have a naturally loud and clear voice. Added to by the years of teaching.
As i’ve aged over the past 6 decades, I see exceptions… but they are still exceptions to the unspoken rule.
I'd like to stick up for dads. This guy is a loser. I've seen women do it too.
Good for you two women for choosing the course less disruptive to the child.
I probably would have discreetly alerted the flight attendant. Let them shame him.
I hope his mother gets to hear ALL about it.
Airlines in the US are not required to seat kids as young as 2 with their parents. The Biden admin suggests it /
Seat fees are expensive, a big source of revenue, and airlines do this on purpose. And actual requirement would stop this problem.
Sus as hell.
Making a quiet point about the existence of child trafficking could put a bit of a scare in the asshole. Asking him to PROVE he is the father, also helpful.