Forgive the earnest post here, but one year ago this week, Global Tetrahedron took over The Onion. We've since brought back the paper and ONN, dramatically increased revenue, and hired more writers and artists.
But most importantly, as other places debased themselves, we refused to bend the knee.
But most importantly, as other places debased themselves, we refused to bend the knee.
Comments
Eight days after the election, when everyone was scared, we bought InfoWars. (So was the court, turns out. We're working on it.)
We knew it would be hard, but the world needed it, so we did it.
Or are there too many angles to the deal?
But it's also good for business.
The places that abandoned their values to get in line and kiss the ring are fading. The Onion is growing.
But we're going to be even more fearless in the next year.
Please continue to keep me abreast of the latest, Onion.
We'll be exploiting that in 2025.
If you want to help us, then get a paper in the mail. You will love it.
https://membership.theonion.com
https://bsky.app/profile/ericlotze.com/post/3lnvlguo5xs2f
https://youtu.be/TjUkJJahcGY?si=fpRVElk-dc__x0Yk
Fight big, dumb, and unexpected with big, dumb, and unexpected. Genius.
#FightBigDumb
(I used to have NYT until they went obviously transphobic...)
❤️
A: I'm in France.
B: I'm broke.
C: I'm REALLY broke.
I've never seen a print copy of it. :(
I guess I’m about to have two subscriptions
Thanks for staying the course of American democracy. I hope everyone signs up.
granted, its not your fault that reality is indistinguishable from satire, but still.
Congrats a thousand times over! I’d love to share my favorite headline with you sometime!
Keep up the fine work!
Are you writing articles in advance for Info Wars? It could just be a huge dump all at once and break the Internet.
Have you considered a Thanksgiving turkey drop?
Carry on, Lord Commander.
If so I'm for hire and would happily hiss at you.
Grab ‘em by the pussy, like Jesus would!
I'm gonna subscribe!🤣
I knew T Herman Zwiebel.
I wrote notebooks of copy, exploited vast deposits of mineral wealth, and faced The Burger King in single (well, double) combat with T Herman Zwiebel.
You sir, are no T Herman Zwiebel.
Not to ruin the joke here.
That was meant to be a joke, right?
I miss voting for candidates that want to reduce the cost of energy by lowering the boiling point of water.
'...Contra our initial hypothesis, the research team discovered that The Onion was in fact *causing* this increasing incidence of morbid absurdity....'
Asked for comment, @bencollins.bluesky.social simply replied 'Muhahaha!'
Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.
Keep biting buddies.
On the important part, I would LOVE to talk to you about a project based on old internet I'm working on
Thank you!
To pull the rug out from underneath some idiotic situation or so they can PUNCH UP!!!!!
Ouch!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! ONN!!!!!
✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼
It was horrendous but I found my love for writing
I fear the resemblance of our current regime to this one
Thank you for existing & staying strong
I want to sit in the teacher's lounge at work and laugh until I cry...and annoy the fuck out of my insane UNION MEMBER TEACHERS WHO SUPPORT #Trump
We're 🧅 💪🏽
https://theonion.com/well-ive-sold-the-paper-to-the-chinese-1819584581/
I’m good with spreadsheets and running out for coffee and munchies.
F Donald J. Trump and his neurodivergent family
All I know is the best way to fight fascism is with compassion and sarcasm so I'll keep being a lovable, sarcastic asshole.
What would those headlines read if The Onion used its powers for evil?
I kinda wanna know now.
I’ve dumped any media that HAS bent the knee.
So glad the Onion isn’t one of them.
Has the Onion thought about a partnership with @rollingstone.com.web.brid.gy ?
You bent the knee to ... Global Tetrahedron. They demand your economic loyalty and obeisance. They also fund The Onionati, the rising power behind *every* throne.
How can you look at yourself in a 55 d mirror and claim you have not debased yourselves.
[applauds]
Any plans to find a printing and distribution shop up here?
Leftists wanted her to stop any and all support for Israel. She and her VP stated on camera they wouldn't.
To leftists, it's the same thing.
And before you say it, I never said I agree.
She said she'd keep doing what Biden was doing, which was nothing
There were loud voices, including The Onion, begging DNC to wake up and change course (and win votes!). It turns out, opposing genocide is good politics.
😺
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_stellated_dodecahedron
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ayAHz2gYeobLynyf9
Best kind of earnest post
Write an edition with actual news that sound made up. Like, warrior-man installs make-up station in Pentagon's bathroom, or national security advisor invites journalist to war planning chat-group.
I guarantee you it'd look like sarky but it's all be real.
It's for news headlines that sound like The Onion, but are horrifyingly real.
https://www.doomsdayscenario.co/p/musk-s-junta-establishes-him-as-head-of-government
You’ve brought it back to the glory days when it proudly stated: “I’m really gonna miss that little coffin-saluting bar-flunker”
Powered by @skywriter.blue
xx
paper news!! I’d support no matter what though. I love the onion.
Also, how is that Info Wars purchase working out?
Is Jones and his Russian oligarchs still losing?