NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO.
We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and will share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want.
Get excited.
We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and will share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want.
Get excited.
Comments
Seriously, congrats! 🎉🎉🎉
Please back Herbert Kornfeld and maybe Archie “Arch” Danielson.
Yeah, I meant to say “ploy” not “plot.” 😑
Stupid sexy spellcheck! 🤔
Not deleting and reposting again! 🛑
@pfrazee.com Please, please, please… Add editing posts to the list of features. Time limit it to 30 minutes after posting and then… Locked! 🔒
Seriously. Wow! Can you maybe make reality resemble the onion headlines less. I think there's a lathe of heaven thing going on there.
Apropos.
Unfortunately, one of them is going to have to wait until at least 2035, and then pay a bunch of restitution first.
Reporting for duty
Asking for a friend.
[sickos.gif]
*slap* *doink* *slap* *doink*
Because you bought the Onion
If you go to your nearest vegetable retail outlet and tell them "The Onion sent me," you'll receive a 00% discount on one(1) onion of your choice.
😄
Thanks for keeping a great institution online! I get the feeling there will be plenty of opportunity for scathing satire for, oh, at least a couple more years.
Take my money.
I once made sub sandwiches at the Madison Brat Fest with the founder of the Onion, around 1989 or 1990. In the late 1900s.
Forever needed to be disappeared.
Congrats on the purchase, and have my dollar!
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
@bencollins.bsky.social - Canadian loonies on the way.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Onion
by which I mean please spend it in the most frivolous possible manner, preferably on expensive weed or something
😞
Go get em, Benjamin
Also, a thought for any April 1st. Publish a story that is real but sounds too outlandish to be true.
Good luck!
Besides, 4 billion subscribers can't be wrong, can they?
🫡
https://youtu.be/uFpK_r-jEXg?si=laUc7ewkEgXzVAfC
(Holy shit this is amazing news)
https://youtu.be/D04wb7P_v-4?si=1JFX8bzDteNSiMmD
Ironic how most of "the news" is a joke, and satire often articulates far more relevant subject matter.
It used to be funny before it was overrun by Bernbros
😁
TELL ME THIS ISNT A JOKE
There was a daily podcast that was like a minute long, and it was an announcer reading an Onion story in the style that NPR would do a news brief at the top of an hour. Any thoughts on bringing it back?
“He’s Only 34. How Can This Be Allowed?”
(If true)
I will possibly give you a dollar.
https://www.theonion.com/keep-your-fucking-shit-off-my-desk-1819583395
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVPOLbdf50FcwPfNE_IWq5ePMHlcQjPS4&si=q6JsbkuXJtuQm_mK